The journey. In the beginning

Anyone who knows me, knows I am not one to open up easily. I love sharing my experiences, but not always how I felt about them. I think that’s very normal, and especially as a lifelong horse girl; we are tough and a little rugged (both inside and out). I also believe everyone has a journey, and that it is always evolving. We think we are heading one way, only to realize we are completely off the map. I have always had a very rough idea of what I wanted. I knew I wanted to be happy, feel fulfilled, tired at the end of the day… you know the standard life stuff. Feel like I have my shit together, whatever that means. I knew a lot of what I did not want, which is often easier to identify.

I always had pony fever. I just loved animals. I was a really shy kid and didn’t have a lot of friends, but I always had animals. I think I was also always inherently a care taker, so this role was perfect for life with animals. I started out with a cat, then a guinea pig, then my parents got us pygmy goats. We did everything with those goats! It was pretty hysterical. I was super envious of my friends who had ponies, but instead of lingering, spent countless hours preparing my “stable” for the pony I would someday have. Building a plywood stall out of scrap wood, making fences that the wind could blow down, filling up water buckets no one would drink out of (except sometimes my sister and I when it was dire), gathering grass clippings and “making hay”. Oy.. I was a dork, and so into my imagination. I do wish I could still do that.

I definitely have that kind of a drive. I will DIY anything if I can. I’ll build it myself if I can’t borrow or buy it yet. I have a weird sense of urgency to get everything to be perfect and that’s both a good and a bad thing. If you had asked me when I was a kid if I would ever have my own farm, I am sure I would have said yes. If you had asked me as a teen I probably would have said yes. But if you had asked me as a college student, or post college broke and directionless, I would have and did absolutely say NO. I didn’t even want that.

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